Without

So it is about to be 12:00 AM 6-22-2010. It feels a lot later (or earlier in the morning) as the energy seems to be sapped out of me by the second. I guess I don't have any other forum where I can really express myself anymore. *Shrug*, this has been the closest thing to a journal I got so here goes. There is a famous quote that goes: "A man can survive a month without food, a week without water, a minute without air, but only a second without hope." As the days go on, I feel that crash of the final phrase of this statement. I don't know why, but I've reached square one again. What's kept me going throughout the years have been my friends who now seem to be so busy with life that I now am left wondering where I can lean on (no pun intended). Family always criticizes me and constantly gives off an air of opposition whenever I talk to them. I have considered my friends to take on that role as my family and now I feel even worse than ever. I am Christian, and I claim Jesus to be my Lord and Savior. It is times like these when I yell out to him and even then I feel even more helpless. I've always made it a goal of mine to never complain. My father and mother always impressed on me the idea that complaining solves nothing, it serves no purpose but to annoy and exaggerate a problem. I have therefore a lot bottled up within me. Without anywhere to turn, I feel that second of hope slipping away. I'm sorry this all seems so dismal to those reading or even my future self that is reading. Hopefully one day this will be past. I have been told that it will take a lifetime to recover from I guess what should be labeled an affliction. I realize that it will be impossible to overcome alone. Yet, I feel that it can only be done by myself. For those who may read this blog, if you feel any pity for me, don't. If you feel obligated to help me, don't. If someone were to bring this up again to me, I will probably treat it as if it were non-existent. I will smile and say, thank you for caring. I suppose why I am writing this is just to complain. Haha, ironic isn't it.